Something to live for
by CyberXIII
Summary: Stricken with grief, Neo Saiba sits on a roof, contemplating suicide. Lucky for him, he's not as alone as he thinks. I wrote this while feeling really depressed, and it shows.


Neo Saiba sighed.

"Why…why am I still here?"

The day was saved. Both worlds were safe once again, Demon was destroyed, HolyAngemon and his allies had rebuilt everything, and all was well.

All, that is, save for Neo Saiba. Restless and frustrated with himself, and not certain why, the former Tamer secluded himself on the highest point of HolyAngemon's tower, away from the others.

Taichi and the Alias III were downstairs celebrating the restoration of the digital world. Oddly, no one held any grudges towards Neo's three former subordinates, especially after Sigma and Mari were respectively reunited with a familiar-looking Picodevimon and Palmon. The reunion with their once-dead partners was so touching that no one had the heart to so much as yell at the two former villains.

Neo, meanwhile, couldn't bear to be around when the two Digimon actually met their Tamers again. After all, it was his fault they died in the first place. He may not have been the one to kill them, but he had given the order to Arcadimon to eat Piemon and impale Rosemon.

Neo sighed as the memories of Mari and Sigma's horrified, grief-stricken faces came back to mind.

"What did I do to them? They gave me their loyalty…they agreed to fight for me, and I just threw them away like so much trash…"

Another, more horrible memory came back to mind. Neo shuddered briefly before covering his face with both hands and sobbing out, "Oh, Metalgreymon…forgive me…"

Neo curled up on the roof, feeling completely worthless. "All my plans have come to nothing. For all my boasting, Taichi was the superior tamer in every possible way. I killed my own partner when all he wanted was to fight for me…God, I'm pathetic."

The silver-haired ex-tamer felt another sob escape him as he fell deeper into despair. "Why couldn't Demon just finish me off after eating Arcadimon…? He already used me to destroy everything else, and in my pride I thought I was the real power in the world."

He snorted bitterly. "I thought I was invincible with that living weapon by my side. Now it's gone, and all my work was for nothing."

The once-great ex-tamer stood up, drying his eyes and reaching a decision.

"The world is safe. More importantly, Rei is safe, and happy with Hideto. I'd just get in the way…after all, I caused pretty much all of their suffering here in the Digital World."

Neo looked down the length of the tower to the ground far below.

"This is high enough," he thought. "Goodbye, Rei….I hope you live a long and happy life with Hideto…"

The silver-haired boy closed his eyes, hesitated for a brief moment, and stepped off the tower into thin air. Neo plummeted for one long, glorious moment, finally free of the guilt that ate at his soul. At last, he would have peace….

Or he would have, if he hadn't come to a sudden stop.

Neo opened his eyes, aware of a sharp pain in his shoulder, and felt something clutching his right wrist. He looked up, and realized he had only fallen a short distance because someone had grabbed his arm, stopping his fall. He looked up higher and saw his savior….

"Why…?"

* * *

Hideto strode through the castle, feeling truly happy for the first time in . Ever since Sigma and Mari had been reunited with their partners, Neo had mysteriously vanished from the castle. Rei had been worried sick, and wandered around the grounds for half an hour before Hideto had finally bumped into her.

Hideto greeted her with a smile. "Hi Rei!"

Rei looked up, and looked away sadly. "Hi Hideto…"

His happy grin faded as he saw her worried expression. "What's wrong?"

"It's Neo…I've been looking everywhere for him, but I can't find him anywhere."

"Did you ask Taichi?"

"He hasn't seen him all day, and neither has Zero."

Hideto frowned. Neo had been prone to brooding since the end of the battle with Demon. The last thing he needed was to be alone to wallow in guilt. The black-haired boy and his friend combed the castle until an Agumon trainee pointed out that he had seen a black-haired boy heading for the rooftop.

Rei had gone to get the others while Hideto had immediately hurried to the roof, fearing the worst. As it was, he was just a hair too late from stopping Neo from stepping off the roof. Desperately he threw himself forward, landing heavily on the edge of the roof…

* * *

…and seized Neo's wrist just before he fell any farther.

"NEO! I'VE GOT YOU!"

Neo looked up at Hideto with eyes full of grief and despair, and spoke softly. "Hideto…let me go."

Hideto blinked, surprised. "What? Why?"

Neo glared at him, and spat, "I said LET GO!"

Now Hideto glared back at him, and shot back, "No! I'm not letting you die!"

"Let me go, fool, or you'll fall too!"

Hideto pulled back slightly, starting to lift Neo, only to begin to slide forward. Grimacing, he braced himself and pulled harder.

"Neo, I'm not letting go, dammit! Why would you want to do something this stupid?"

Neo shouted back, "Because I want to die, that's why!"

Hideto was so surprised he almost lost his grip. "What did you say…?"

Neo looked up at his friend, his anger giving way to abject despair. "Hideto, look at me. I'm as bad as Demon. You know what I've done."

Hideto stared at his old friend, feeling a sudden pang of sympathy. "Neo…"

Neo's voice hitched slightly. "Let go, Hideto. I'm ready to die."

"No, dammit." Hideto tightened his grip on his friend's wrist. "I won't let you throw your life away!"

"Think about what you're doing, Hideto! You're saving a genocidal maniac who almost caused the ruin of two worlds and nearly killed a bunch of innocent children!"

"No, I'm not. I'm saving one of the closest friends I've ever had!"

Neo refused to be convinced. "The world's better off without me! Hell, _you're_ better off without me! LET GO!"

Hideto grimaced. "And what about Rei?"

Neo paused, and then looked away. "What…what about her?"

Hideto stood up and yanked harder, finally lifting Neo up a few inches. "You think…ugh…you think she wants you to die after all she went through to find you again?"

Neo's voice took on a dead, hopeless monotone as he spoke. "She doesn't need me anymore, Hideto. She has friends now, and she's not the same helpless girl we took care of before reaching this world."

"Besides, I can't go back. I've done far too much evil…" Neo closed his eyes and shouted, "Now LET ME DIE!"

A pair of voices called out, "NO!"

Neo looked up to see two people reach forward to grab Hideto and pull back.

Hideto chanced a glance backwards. Sigma and Mari pulled back, with the former shouting, "Neo! Don't do this!"

"How can either of you stand to look at me right now? I murdered your partners and laughed in your faces about it!"

Mari glared back at him, tearing up slightly as she helped the other Alias III members pull their former leader up.

The girl shouted, "You think killing yourself is going to change all of that? Wake up!"

Sigma pulled harder, shouting, "Don't give up on yourself Neo! If nothing else, remember the people who actually care about you!"

Neo shouted back, "NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME! NOT ANYMORE!"

The Alias III replied as one. "WE CARE!"

That concerted shout shocked Neo into silence.

The three children finally pulled Neo onto the roof, landing in a disorganized heap.

Neo looked and felt genuinely confused now. "Why do any of you care what happens to me after what I did to the three of you?"

Hideto looked at Neo. "Why do you think we agreed to work for you in the first place, Neo? I haven't forgotten what you were like before all of this happened."

Sigma sat up, and turned to his old leader. "Neo, you were my first real human friend, even before you brought me here to the Digital World. You may have forgotten, but I haven't."

Neo sat up as well. "But…"

Mari chimed in. "Neo, you keep going on and on about all the trouble and madness you caused. We were just as bad as you were before. Are you saying we should die too?"

Neo glared at her. "No! If anyone needs to die it's me! I'm the one who dragged all of you here to begin with!"

Hideto snorted. "So we're just helpless puppets bound to your every whim?"

"I'm not saying that either, but-"

Hideto cut him off. "Good. The three of us all made the choice to join you and we paid for it horribly."

Sigma continued, "The four of us are all guilty, Neo. You're no worse than the three of us."

Mari added, "Neo, if you really want to atone for what you've done, you have to live."

Neo seemed surprised, before slumping over, his shoulders shaking. "You three are all idiots…."

The Alias III were silent. Neo faced away from them, covering his eyes so they couldn't see him cry.

"But thank you…"

"HEY! NEO!"

Neo couldn't help but groan as Yagami Taichi ran onto the roof, Zero by his side. Taichi appeared to be carrying something small and white. Hideto stopped him before he reached Neo, and whispered something in his ear.

"What? Oh. Oh no….oh _no_…."

Taichi ran over to Neo, carrying a small white and yellow sphere.

"Neo..."

Neo refused, horrified at the thought of his old archenemy seeing him like this.

"Don't look at me, Taichi. I don't want you to see me like this…."

Neo stopped as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Taichi smiling at him.

"If it makes you feel any better, neither of us hold a grudge against you."

_That_ was surprising. "Wh-What do you mean?"

Taichi knelt next to his ex-rival. "I'm saying that I can't speak for everyone, but Zero and I forgive you."

"B-But…"

Taichi held up a hand. "No buts, Neo. Whether you want to admit it or not, you're not the horrible monster you think you are; otherwise you wouldn't care how many Digimon had died."

Neo looked away morosely. "I didn't, remember?"

Zeromaru chose this moment to speak. "But you obviously do now. Besides, Demon flat-out admitted he'd been manipulating you from the start. This ain't entirely your fault."

Neo scowled. "That's supposed to make me feel better?"

Taichi held out something. "No, but this is."

Neo took the object, puzzled. "A Botamon?"

As he held the small black-furred form, it spoke. "Neo,do you still hate me?"

Recognition dawned on Neo. "Oh…Oh, it's you…Metalgreymon…"

Botamon sniffled. "I'm sorry, Neo. I wasn't strong enough to help you…"

Neo cradled the small Digimon in his arms and spoke tenderly, "I'm the one who should be sorry. You didn't deserve what I did to you."

The Botamon snuggled up to his tamer. "I forgive you, Neo. Can I stay with you?"

Neo looked up at his smiling friends, and couldn't help but smile himself. "Sure. I'm not going anywhere."


End file.
